


Numb

by IntrepidEscapist



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Choking, Drunkenness, Masturbation, Other, Poor Life Choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 18:11:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12687546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrepidEscapist/pseuds/IntrepidEscapist
Summary: Julian handles your break-up about as well as you think he does.





	Numb

He counted his footsteps as he walked away from your door. One, two, one, don’t cry, two. Julian did his best to focus on the click of his heels against the cobblestone. When he heard your door shut his throat tightened so quickly he almost choked. He raised a gloved hand to his mouth and pressed his back to the alley wall, trying and so desperately failing to hold his tears in.

_What had he done?_

He almost bit a hole in his lip with how hard he was trying to contain himself. His chest jumped spasmodically. He reached up to wipe his eyes. _Contain yourself,_ he thought, _this is for the best_. He took a few stuttering breaths, dusted off his shirt and walked out of the alley. He made his bed, now he had to lie in it. It was better for the both of you.

The sound of laughter caught his attention and he turned his head. A couple was walking along the canal, hand in hand, arms swinging. He could catch bits and pieces of their conversation from the other side of the street. The taller girl suddenly stopped and bent down to kiss the shorter, and they both laughed.

Julian burst into tears. This was easily in the top five worst decisions he’d ever made in his life. What was he thinking, make his bed and lie in it? _He didn’t sleep._

He did, however, drink.

He hurried down the streets, lips trembling and tears running down his cheeks. Despite the fact he only had one eye, both sets of tear ducts still worked. It was a sight to behold, tears pouring out from under his eyepatch. He’d appreciate the drama of it all if he weren’t actually sobbing right now. He was maybe forty paces away from your front door and he already missed you.

By the time he got to the Rowdy Raven his face was stained with tears and eyeliner. He nearly broke the barstool with how hard he sat on it, but he didn’t care. He deserved the ground.

The bartender side-eyed him as she polished a glass. Julian had his head in his arms, shoulders shaking. She sighed and shook her head, reaching for a bottle above her.

“The breakup special, yeah, Jules?”

Julian made a sound like a off-tune trumpet. The barkeep took that as a yes. This wasn’t the first time he’d been here in this state and she doubted it’d be the last.

All Julian could think of was the dinner the two of you shared here just hours before. You’d looked so happy. He did his best to memorize how the light fell on the planes of your face, how charming you sounded when you laughed from the heart. Not the little titter people made to be polite, the ugly genuine laughter that warmed his soul. Oh, gods. Julian inhaled and let out a choked, heart wrenching sob. He missed you so much. He was a fool. Scum. The worst person to ever live. Maybe he should just turn himself in.

“Have a drink before you do whatever fuck stupid thing you’re thinking of, lad.” The bartender set two full steins in front of him. Julian perked up like a baby bird at the sound of alcohol and grabbed one glass, chugging it like he hadn’t had a drink in weeks. He either needed to die or forget he was alive.

Four stein's later, the haze of inebriation was heavy on his senses and he finally stopped crying. Or his eyes were broken faucets and he couldn’t even tell he was crying anymore. He rested his head against the bar counter, his index finger tracing sad little circles into the wood.

“We really c-coulda had somethin’,” he hiccuped. “It was only two days but…” He propped himself up and looked at the unamused barkeep. “Have you ever heard of true love?”

“'Course I have, ya shit idiot.”

“I think they were the one,” Julian said. He held his empty stein out and the barkeep filled it again. “I think I ruined the best thing that’s, that’s ever happened to me.”

He stared into the amber liquid of his cup. He could almost see your smiling face if he squinted hard enough. It quickly morphed into the painfully sad one he’d left you with before walking away. Julian drank the liquid down before he was forced to look at it any longer.

***

Julian Devorak was many things. A doctor, a lover, a wanted man, but right now, he was shitfaced. He couldn’t exactly remember how many drinks he had, but the barkeep cut him off and sent him on his way. He didn’t have enough strength to fight back. He was weak. A weak, cowardly man who couldn’t do anything right.

“I, _shit_ -” He tripped over a stray cat. The orange cat hissed and sprinted off. Julian stuck his arm out to brace himself against a building. His head was spinning. “I deserve e-everything that’s ever happened to me.”

Before he could monologue about the long list of things, he heaved. He got a minimal amount of vomit on his boots at least. Small mercies. He deserved to throw up on his shoes though. After a few more hiccups he decided his stomach was empty and attempted to stand up straight. His footing was wobbly and uncertain, but wasn’t life the same? He asked this to a street lamp, but didn’t get an answer. Figured.

Somehow he managed to get to Mazelinka’s house. Thankfully the patrol wasn’t walking down the streets because it took him longer than he’d like to admit to get through her window. One of her plants hit the street as he clambered in. He’d make it up to her later. He stumbled through the kitchen and into the bedroom and very nearly face planted on the bed. The only thing that stopped him was the memory that he’d puked on his shoes. Julian managed to get his boots off, and his pants, and his gloves, and his shirt. He wasn’t sure why he needed to be naked, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

The room spun when he lied down on the bed. He remember when you both shared it that night. You kissed him, and then he kissed you back. Your lips were so sweet. He could still smell you on the bed even.

Julian groaned and dragged his hands down his face. Why was life so cruel? There was so much he wanted to do with you. He thought back to you straddling him, peppering kisses against his neck. His ears heated at the thought.

You really were so beautiful. So funny, so charming. He thought about the little tryst the two of you had just earlier today. The bite you left on his neck disappeared, but you bit his ear hard enough to draw blood. He reached up to feel it, hoping you’d left something to remember you by. Smooth skin greeted him. He whimpered. He couldn’t even be allowed that much.

His mind swirled with thoughts of you, of you kissing, of you biting his neck, stroking your fingers down his chest and, oh. Julian couldn’t believe he was doing this. First he broke up with you, then he tarnished your memory with his vile fantasies? He gripped his hardening cock in hand and swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing. He could almost pretend it was your hand. You both hadn’t gotten the chance to do this before.

Julian imagined another life, where the two of you came home from a night out together. You’d both tumble into bed, and then you’d straddled him, dig your nails into his chest and drag down.

“F-fuck,” he whined. He worked his hand faster. His toes curled in the sheets as he imagined how he’d wished the night had gone. He imagined you biting, drawing blood, taking his breath away.

The hand that wasn’t pumping his cock slid up his chest and to his throat, gripping it. He gasped as he tightened his hold, whimpering your name over and over again. He wanted you so badly, but he could never have you. His hand worked faster as he thought of you, and with one final squeeze around his neck he came, back arching as ropes of cum dirtied his chest.

He panted, feeling no better than he did at the start of the night. He just wanted you back. He wasn’t allowed to be happy though. It was foolish for him to think otherwise.


End file.
